La Chambre des Secrets

Muse was formed when Matt Bellamy stupidly decided to bring up quantum physics in a bar. Neither Dominic Howard nor Chris Wolstenholme knew what he was on about, so they decided to move to Japan and release 1000 billion b-sides instead.

Because he is part of an alien race that has extra ordinary musical abilities, Matthew Bellamy is hailed as one of or the greatest guitarists of the 21st century, capable of shooting fire and lightning out of his Sirian-made guitar, and play it without actually holding or knowing where it is. His voice also proves that he is, in fact, an alien. His life goal is to make Thom Yorke cry everyday.

Chris Wolstenholme cannot be looked at directly, as he is a small but very deadly black hole which Matt Bellamy brought with him on the way to Earth, and forms a blank spot on the retina which all sentient beings simply refuse to acknowledge.

It is a well known fact that when Matt falsettos he is actually trying to contact alien races.

Sir Ronald of Weasley is Harry's friend, best known by his peers as living proof that God doesn't exist. Beginning in Book 2, people call him Harry's lackey and it turns out that almost everybody thinks that is his actual name (Harry only calls him "you"). His family forgot his real name in book 4. Ronald starts his quest to tell his name to someone else, but every time he tries to say his name, something generally absurd happens and cuts the event short.

Mrs. Weasley is a raging, bloated, obnoxious soccer mom who gave birth to Ron, Ginny, Fred, George, Percy, Bill, Charlie, Neville, Seamus, John Travolta and the Green Bay Packers.